Letter of September 23, 2009 - The baptism

Letter of September 23, 2009

Dear friend,

I wanted to write you this letter quickly but It took me so long to finish it. I had no time since the beginning of September. Henry and I have had to travel several times at my son's place in north and prepare ourselves for the baptism of Benoit. Our religious beliefs are not really warm but we have still agreed to be godparents. We needed to provide a confirmation certificate, though it is not necessary to be married. I could not remember which parish I was registered, I had to call several places and most offices are open only a few hours during the week, so I had to make my application by mail and they have asked me to pay in advance. These people are eager to pass the quest but when you need their service, the door is locked. My dear Henry, had to call his parish in Gaspesia and they sent the certificate by mail.

At the catechesis meetings, I had the opportunity to better know Maryse. She appears to me as a woman very resolute and determined. She expressed her desire for marriage with Matthew, and she would also want him to adopt her eldest son. I may be wrong, but I feel much eagerness on his part and I do not find very affectionate. At first, I was worried but I finally calmed myself down. My son is no longer a baby after all and there must be something nice between them two to engage together in doing a family. My son took several months to consider before going live with them. Yes, them!. He now lives with Maryse, her kid and also with Maryse's mother, Mireille. And if he was wrong? He knows I'm always there for him, but would he confide to me if something was going wrong?

My son has now resumed contact with his father, Serge. Again, it's another shock to learn he's seeing his father, finally, after twenty-seven, he shows some interest in his only son and he also learns he will be grandpa. The handsome Serge ...... I had erased him from my life. During all these years, he did not showed interest in Mathieu, he has never paid pension, he was seeing him only at the new year partys, and when Serge's mother died, no more news. You know, dear reader, all this family was in discord and their good mother could managed to unite them. When Matthew was in his twenties, he had found his father but he quickly stopped to visit him. I had asked him about this and he only said he would not see his father any more. I have no idea of what happened.

So, after all these years, I saw the handsome Serge, with his wife. Yes, he got married recently, and he regretted not having invited Matthew to his wedding. Age has worked on him and he was not as handsome as before. He was happy to see my family, he knows them all, my mother, who loved him so much, my sister Francoise and her husband, Lucien, also Madeleine. At that time, I was having a nice life with Serge, there were ups and downs, like everybody, it was normal. I was pregnant with Matthew when my sister Francoise got married to Lucien and they were having an apartment in our neighborhood. We invited them often to dinner and we spent happy evenings with them. Serge had a good salary, enough so that I do not work, and I was very proud of us, of our home. He even bought a piano for me.

And everything has plummeted, deteriorated, broke, fell to pieces, mixed with tears and regrets. Drugs, drinking, jealousy, and violence have destroyed my blond angel. I had to leave, escorted by police, and I have entered the darkest years of my life. Matthew was only two and a half years when I left, I had no job, no furniture, I could even not take my piano. We were not married and everything was in his name. Shortly after I left, another woman had taken my place. I had no desire to fight and I decided to start from scratch. Nobody could understand, my sister Francoise has moved away from me and my mother was unable to help me, following the death of father. When I saw Serge at the church, memories of violence and tears were back in my memory, but I have closed that door in my mind. I did not want these memories come back right away, we must celebrate the baptism before all things.

Benoît wore a beautiful gown baptism. It looked like a little angel, you know, everybody wanted to hold him and he liked it. We was looking at us seriously, with his big blue eyes and he then bestowed his very best smile. I think he took this jovial side from his mother. He is so adorable, he has not cried once, and that, he took it from my son Matthew.

On the left, Mathieu in his christening gown. Right, Benoit in his christening gown

This event was very importance to parents. It gave to the grandparents of both sides the opportunity to meet together, those separated by life and new spouses. The atmosphere was almost like a wedding, while the two families met for the first time. They had reserved tables at the restaurant to celebrate the event with joy and I must say that it was a success. Mathieu was well dressed for the occasion and I was seeing him in tie and coat for the first time. I would say that Maryse was very proud of her small world, everyone was very handsome.

My sister Frances and her husband Lucien were sitting with Serge and his wife, they were all happy about see each other and had much to tell. So much the better because, I am telling you, it is not me who would have fueled the conversation. I could not hide my surprise to see him married and happy. Well, good for them, but many questions remain unanswered. Does my Mathieu will have the rightful place alongside his father. I do not really believe in it.

I am telling you, my son is a real mother hen, he looks after Benoit, he feeds him, changes the diapers. He is so happy with his paternity and Martin, the eldest son of Maryse cared deeply about Mathieu. He also deals with this child as if he were his own son. After the meal, and gifts, we were anyway very happy to go back our home, there is more than an hour to drive from north up to home. We had left Charlie alone and at our arrival, he urgently need to do his evening walk.

I hope I did not bothered to much, I needed to express my ups and down of this memorable day and I will conclude my letter with these words of Honoré de Balzac: " I can forgive, but I cannot forget ".

I'll write again soon with more news about my volunteer work, memories and I would also like to introduce you Henry, who makes me so happy.

Kisses and see you soon, Thou who goes on my pages.

Gelisa